Miscarriage is one of the most difficult and heartbreaking experiences a woman can go through. Whether it happens early or later in pregnancy, the emotional and physical toll can be immense. The grief and loss associated with miscarriage often leave individuals feeling isolated, confused, and uncertain about the future. Almost scared to dare try again. The trouble with this, despite being very common, there is virtually no support and almost an expectation that it should be hidden, shoved under a carpet. We know at Mama Be the pain is severe for most women and 'recovery' can take a very long time... if ever.
At Mama Be, Katharine Gailard, a specialised natural fertility coach, reflexologist, and emotional coach, brings over 20 years of experience to help those dealing with the aftermath of miscarriage an multiple miscarriage.
This article offers comprehensive support and guidance for those affected, highlighting common emotional responses, practical advice for coping, and resources for finding the help you need. You can always connect with Mama Be for support by phone if this article finds you in intense emotional pain...always reach out!
Understanding Miscarriage: An Overview
Miscarriage, or spontaneous abortion, refers to the loss of a pregnancy before the 20th week. It is estimated that around 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, although the actual number could be higher, as some miscarriages happen early before a person even knows they are pregnant.
The emotional impact of miscarriage can vary greatly between individuals. While some may find solace in a short grieving process, others may experience prolonged distress. For those who experience an inevitable miscarriage, the sense of loss may be especially overwhelming, as they are left to face the reality of a pregnancy that was anticipated but ultimately ended in tragedy.
Common Feelings After a Miscarriage
After a miscarriage, emotions can range from sadness and anger to guilt and confusion. Some individuals may even experience physical symptoms, such as fatigue, that compound the emotional toll.
Here are some common feelings and experiences that people may encounter after a miscarriage:
-Grief and Sadness: The loss of a pregnancy, especially one that was eagerly anticipated, can create deep sorrow. This grief is not just for the baby but also for the future that was envisioned. For many, the emotional void left behind can be difficult to fill.
-Anger and Frustration: It is not uncommon for those who experience a miscarriage to feel anger. This could be directed at their own body for not carrying the pregnancy to term, at others who seem to have successful pregnancies, or even at doctors or medical staff if they feel unsupported.
-Guilt and Self-Blame: Many women blame themselves for the miscarriage, often wondering if something they did or didn’t do led to the loss. The truth is that most miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities or other factors outside of one’s control, but this rational knowledge does not always alleviate the emotional pain.
-Fear and Anxiety: After a miscarriage, many individuals may fear that it will happen again. The anxiety about future pregnancies can weigh heavily on those who want to try again but are uncertain of their fertility and ability to carry a pregnancy to term.
-Isolation and Loneliness: Miscarriage can feel like an isolated experience. Many couples find it difficult to talk about their loss, and some may feel unsupported by friends or family who don’t fully understand the emotional impact. This sense of loneliness can make the grieving process even harder.
Need to know the best way to support someone after a miscarriage
Supporting someone after a miscarriage requires sensitivity, empathy, and respect for their emotional state. While everyone grieves differently, there are a few key ways to offer meaningful support:
-Listen and Validate Their Emotions: Sometimes, the most important thing you can do is just listen. Allowing them to express their feelings without offering criticism or solutions; validation of their pain and sorrow is important.
-Acknowledge Their Loss: Miscarriage is often seen as an invisible loss, and it can be difficult for couples to feel that others understand or recognise the depth of their pain. Acknowledging the loss with compassion can help the person feel seen.
-Offer Practical Help: In addition to emotional support, offering tangible help, such as assisting with daily tasks, cooking meals, or helping with other children, can make a significant difference.
-Be Patient and Available: Grief has no time limit and there is no definite time for its arrival. Even though the miscarriage may have happened weeks or months ago, the woman may still need support. Check in regularly and offer continued care.
-Avoid Saying “It Wasn’t Meant to Be” or “At Least You Can Try Again”: These well-meaning comments can feel dismissive. It’s essential to acknowledge the profound sadness and loss, instead of attempting to minimise the pain.
Mama Be uses specific emotional skills to lift the couple from the pain and restore their love of life again, plus courage for heal and prepare to receive a new miracle when ready. It is too upsetting to delve into with this article.
How to Cope with a Miscarriage: Practical Tips
Coping with a miscarriage, especially during the early stages, can feel overwhelming. While everyone’s healing process is unique, here are a few strategies that might help:
-Allow Yourself to Grieve: There is no right way to grieve, and the healing process often takes longer than expected. Neither hurry yourself in this nor allow others to hurry in this. Cry, talk, write, or do whatever feels natural for you.
-Seek Professional Help: For some, professional counseling or therapy is helpful to work through the complex emotions associated with miscarriage. A trained therapist, such as those specializing in grief or fertility issues, can provide tools to help navigate this difficult time.
-Take Care of Your Body: Although grief can feel all-consuming, it’s important to prioritize self-care. Rest, eat well, and engage in light physical activity, such as walking, to help your body heal. If you're struggling physically as well as emotionally, don’t hesitate to seek medical advice.
-Join Support Groups: Connecting with others who have experienced miscarriage can help reduce feelings of isolation. Whether in person or online, support groups provide a space for individuals to share their stories, ask questions, and find solidarity with others who understand their pain.
-Talk to Your Partner: Miscarriage affects both partners in different ways, and it’s important to communicate openly and honestly about each person’s feelings. Supporting one another and grieving together can help strengthen the bond during a challenging time.
Where can I get support after a miscarriage?
Finding the right support can make all the difference during the grieving process. Here are several resources to consider:
1. Healthcare Providers: Doctors, midwives, and therapists can provide both emotional and physical care following a miscarriage. A healthcare provider can guide you through the physical recovery process and offer advice for future pregnancies.
2. Miscarriage Support Groups: Organisations such as The Miscarriage Association and Baby Loss Awareness Week offer both in-person and online support groups for those experiencing miscarriage. These groups can provide valuable emotional support and information.
3. Therapists and Grief Counselors: Professionals specialising in grief counseling can help individuals process the emotions related to miscarriage. Therapy may include individual counseling or couples counseling to help heal the emotional wounds.
4. Natural Fertility Coaches: At Mama Be, Katharine Gailard provides expert guidance in natural fertility, emotional coaching, and reflexology. Through her treatment plans, couples can find emotional and physical support tailored to their needs.
What Can Help During a Miscarriage?
If you are experiencing a miscarriage, some practical steps may help you cope during the process:
-Stay Hydrated and Rest: During the miscarriage, it is important to take care of your body. Drink plenty of water and rest as much as possible to help your body recover.
-Create a Support System: Reach out to close family members, friends, or a partner for emotional support. You don't need to go alone through this experience.
-Make Space for Emotions: Give yourself permission to feel whatever emotions arise, without shame or guilt. Whether you’re sad, angry, or confused, your emotions are valid.
-Allow Yourself to Heal Physically and Emotionally: It is common for the emotional recovery to take longer than the physical healing. Take it day by day, and don’t feel pressured to move on before you’re ready.
Healing After Miscarriage
Experiencing a miscarriage can be devastating. While the journey through grief is personal and unique, you are not alone. Support, whether through professional help, support groups, or understanding loved ones, can make all the difference. Healing after a miscarriage involves taking care of both your emotional and physical needs. With time, patience, and the right support, individuals can find a path toward healing.
At Mama Be, Katharine Gailard offers specialised miscarriage treatment plans, reflexology, and emotional support to help you through this difficult time and beyond. The road to healing may be long, but with compassion and care, recovery is possible.
Registering for a complimentary consult, is one way that Katharine can help shift couples ... stepping in to help managing the cycle of emotional pain, so it limits the damage to couples and their longer term happiness. See 'Treatments' to register.
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